17 hour shift

On Nuit Blanche:

"IF YOU WANT WATER, GO TO THE WATER STORE!" exclaims my bartender Thomas.

People who hide their PIN

You do realize that I would have to attack you on the street to steal your debit card in order to rob you in knowing your PIN, right? I would have to leave work at the moment you leave, chase you down in broad daylight, attack you and go through your stuff to find your debit card.

And I thought I was paranoid.

Overheard at work:

"Every day a gazelle has to outrun the fastest lion just to stay alive."

People who choose where they want to sit

What is this, a fucking cafeteria? I'm sorry, I didn't realize your experience was going to be different based on whether you get to sit at the table you chose or not.
To be honest, I can kind of see your point. If I'm paying 20$ for a club sandwich, I'd want the window seat, too, but really we need a sign that says "Wait To Be Seated".

You can pour bleach on almost anything. But you can't pour bleach on a lie to yourself.

"Customer Education"

Ten percenters

Hot water and lemon drinkers 

They say "bill" when they mean "bills"

They don't know what they want even though I asked if I could take their order and they said yes 1 second ago

"May I refresh your beverage?"

In my ten years of serving, I've never had someone insist that I take his order a certain way. This is the incident that inspired this blog.

So this older man with his friend, you know, probably not trying to be a douche, insists that I take his order by saying "may I refresh your beverage?" and when I completely forget and ask in my own words, he gives me a look, and in a jovial manner, insists I say his line.

He tells me, I kid you not, something about his dead mother and how she always said that. What I really wanted to say was: "which line should I jump in front of: Bloor-Danforth or Yonge-University?" But instead I just said, "may I refresh your beverage?"

So welcome to Bleach Queen.