Kamila, the tray

A fellow support carved her name into a tray. This is what I call dedication. 

Disarmed

I dressed up as a cop for Halloween this year. I had a water gun in a pistol holder and this old lady yelled at me, “Come here,” And when I came towards her she insisted I get closer. “I have something to tell you,” She said. 

I got even closer. She grabbed my gun, turned it on me, and said, “Never trust an old lady!”

Kids

“Kids these days,” The cook said despairingly. So I looked at my coworker, I rolled my eyes and said, “Adults these days.” 

Most annoying order of the day award

No powdered sugar, sub this, sub that, hot water and lemon. Delayed pancakes. Well-done pancakes. Double-toasted, dry toast. 

Civilians don’t know I have to manually type every modification in. 

Halloween 🎃👻🦇

4 years ago I was working for a boss whom I did not like and who did not like me. On Halloween, I said to him, “I see you dressed up as an evil boss today.” He did not like that one. He sent me home early. 

Reasons to buy a muffin:

The other day when I tried to upsell a muffin, the lady said, “Why?”

I said, “For a treat for later, give it as a gift to someone, because they’re delicious.”

I felt like I was playing $100,000 Pyramid.

Picky McChoosers

I call people who choose where they want to sit “Picky McChoosers” now.

Dish island getaway 🏖️

The last dishwasher we had didn’t like to get wet. He even put up a sign that said “Do NOT splash the dishwasher.” It’s a dish pit, not a dish island getaway. 

“People in restaurants do crazy things,” my friend said.

“Yeah,” I said, “Like work there!”

Talking shit

I was in the middle of fetching three coffees and three waters for a table when a support staff came up to me and said, “Your table wants…” I cut them off.

I said, “Three coffees and three waters? Yeah, I know. They’re just gonna have to wait, aren’t they?”

“Aww,” My manager said, “She’s talking shit about her tables. You’re all grown up!”

What do you call someone who orders water at the restaurant?

Broke.

Mind-blowing entitlement

There was a baby. A horrific baby. It was throwing food on the ground. It wasn’t even eating anything. It was just throwing chunks of eggs on the ground.

My boss, god bless her, went to the table with a broom and just started sweeping as they were eating and their baby was destroying the place.

Please tip accordingly.

Messy and cheap, my favourite combination.

Playing with food

One of our cooks has a puffy afro. He put an egg on his head and called it a nest.

What customers say when they can’t figure out the debit machine:

Let me guess: "Every debit machine is different"?

No. They're all the same.

Open menu count

“How many open menus?” The cook asks.

“Nine,” my boss reports.

“In German or in English?” The cook says.

“English!”

“Fuck!” The cooks say.

Support staff

I gave myself a promotion today. There is no such role as ‘lead support’, but there is now because I have filled the position. 

Milkshake

Someone looked me dead in the eye and told me their milkshake was too creamy.

At this point, I don’t even know. 

Swine

Two Muslim people came into our diner yesterday, ordered burgers with “no swine” on them.

Neck tattoo

An old man asked what my neck tattoo said. 

“Heist,” I told him.

“So you’re a thief!” He replied.

I didn’t say anything. I looked at him. He looked at me. He backed away slowly and left.

Poor leadership

My coworker blamed “poor leadership” for me accidentally seating his section after it had closed.

86 my sanity

I’m hustling muffins again. A lady asked me if I make commission on the muffins. “Yes,” I said.

Campers

Don't you have anything better to do with your day?