Low vision

This man holding a giant magnifying glass asked me to read him the menu after asking for a Heineken to drink.

“Sir, I don’t have time to read the menu to you,” I said. 

“Well if your little job is so important then go do it.” He said. My jaw dropped. I got mad. I left the table. I went to 22 to quality check them instead. Five seconds later, I went back to his table. “Do you still want your Heineken?” I asked. He did. 

“I’ll take the pancakes with bacon,” he ordered. Yes sir! We became fast friends in the end. I can only assume he tipped me well.

A love story between a girl and bleach. 

Bermuda Triangle

Table 41. 3 seats: 2 adults, 1 child. I served them beverages, took their order and brought condiments to their table.

The next thing I knew, they disappeared.

“Where did 41 go!?” I asked the hostess. She didn’t know. I found them later, at booth 55.

When I brought their food out, I faked my surprise, “Oh! You’ve moved!” They moved themselves. Very uncouth.

Otolaryngologist

My colleague studying to become an otolaryngologist asked my kitchen how much they think otolaryngologists make. My kitchen yelled back, "PANCAKES!" though.

Poached medium

“You know where you can get two poached medium eggs? AT HOME.” The cook jokes.

My tray jack:

Jack of all trays!

Hugging every co-worker goodbye

I told the new guy, “The rule here is, when you leave, you have to hug every one of your co-workers goodbye.” 

When I left, he yelled, “Where’s my hug!?”

Tina later told me, “The new guy said you wanted to hug him.”

Mimosa with OJ on the side

A girl my age orders a "mimosa with the orange juice on the side." Not knowing what the fuck that meant, I bring her an orange juice and a mimosa.

"No," She says, "I want you to separate them." My word, customers are abusive. I had to separate them. 😭

Non-verbal

I should preface what I'm about to say with that I am a single, childfree woman who will remain childfree for the entirety of my life. 

I consider every child I serve, unless they exuberantly tell me if they want apple or orange juice, to be non-verbal.

I don't think ordering at a restaurant is a great time to teach your kid to talk. It's a simple choice: apple juice or orange. I hate it when I'm fetching my beverage order and the parent asks the kid what they want to drink and the kid says nothing.

I have to stand there, encouraging the kid to answer my question, as if I'm a freakin' teacher or something.

Look, lady, you wanna teach your kids to talk? Do it on your own time. Thank you!

Rude

“Write that down,” A customer told me upon taking his order.

I wanted to have a mental breakdown.

“I am writing that down, sir!” I said instead of having aforementioned breakdown. 

Uncut toast 🍞

To mod the toast order is insane. I even think dry toast is insane. I even think asking for peanut butter is too much. The toast comes with butter. The buttered toast is delicious. EAT THE TOAST!

5

My boss said an employee of hers told her that their grandfather had died five separate times.

“I know you ain’t saying that,” The kitchen strikes again.

Least favourite order

Easily: “Well-done toast.” Like fuck, just eat the toast. It’s cooked bread. Why are you wasting everyone’s time?

Onion rings

Bitch orders onion rings “well-done”. I did not mod it for 2 reasons: to not piss off my cooks and because that is a stupid order. Onion ring came out well-done in the end, ha. Dumb bitch.