Big girl job

A co-worker of mine went to university and is pursuing a career elsewhere so I asked her how the big girl job is coming along.

"Can we get that booth?"

Funny hostess

The hostess did an impression of the customers today.

“Can we get a booth? Can we get a booth?” 

I died.

Request for new server

I approach table 25. I ask if I can bring them orange juice, coffee, something to drink. A kid in seat 2, around my age, immediately says, "I would like a new server."

I was taken aback. I thought I looked good that day. I had done my make-up. I wanted to say, "I'd like a new customer but you can't always get what you want,"

Instead we just got him a new server.

"Scrambled medium"

My number one pet peeve of waitressing is not getting the eggs right. Sometimes, there's a miscommunication.

For example, I served a woman sitting alone at table 40. I repeated "over-medium" eggs to her like, 3 separate times, but when I served her breakfast, she said, "There must have been a miscommunication. I wanted scrambled medium eggs,"

First of all, scrambled medium is not an egg modification. I got her two scrambled eggs, but the exchange upset me. I like my customers to eat and be merry, not have the wrong style eggs.

Recycling

This woman refused to put her receipt in the garbage and demanded a paper recycling. Lady, you're in a diner, not a recycling plant.

Pepper grinder

I had to apologize to someone twice because we didn't have freshly ground black pepper. Seat 1, 55, said, "It's what basic restaurants have," to me, and I was gonna be like, "I guess we're not a basic restaurant then," but instead I just apologized again.

Cooks making fun of customers

Sometimes I overhear our cooks making fun of customers. Here’s a skit they do:

Two 80-year-old women are deciding upon breakfast.

"Mildred, wanna go out for breakfast?"

"Okay, Betty, but I can't eat a whole breakfast by myself,"

"Maybe we can split a breakfast?"

"It's awfully expensive..."

"No, no, they have a 55 breakfast for $10 and we can split it! Do you think you can eat half a fucking egg?"

"I turned 55 in 1983 so I think I qualify!"

"Okay, let's go!"

"Maybe we can get half a scrambled egg and half a sunny side up egg."

At the table:

"We will take half pancakes and half toast,"

The missing toast incident

Seat 1 at 83 orders toast, takes his toast off the plate and then calls me over to ask me where his toast is. I just stare at the toast. He realizes fast enough and I leave the table. It slays me, though.