Menu

When people can’t figure out how to fold up the menu, I grab it and say, “I’ll make the hostess do it!”

On tipping:

Did you know servers have to tip out the kitchen staff and in some cases, the support staff or the bartender? This is why leaving $0.00 as a tip is extremely uncouth.

Angry:30

12:30 pm, the busiest time in the restaurant. My chef calls it “Angry:30”.

What is this, a cafeteria?

On my last hostess shift, these people asked to sit at a table, order food because they’re hungry and move to a booth when it becomes available.

I said NO!

I immediately ran to my boss to ask if I did the right thing.

She said no, too. 😎 

A four-year-old toddled into the kitchen. 

“Are you here to work?” My manager barked at him.

Vacation pay

I am never going on vacation again. Next time, I’m taking my vacation pay and not going on vacation.

Onion saleswoman 🧅

My friend called me an “onion saleswoman.”

Donkey

The cook said, “I used to work with these Arabic ladies, they called me a donkey in Arabic. They said it meant I was strong!”

The other cook looked at him. “I’m Arabic,” she said, “And when someone calls you donkey in Arabic, it means you’re dumb as fuck!”

86 plates

In the business, when product runs out, it’s called “86.”

The dishwasher dropped a stack of plates on the floor and they all shattered.

“86 plates!” I yelled out.

Overheard at work:

“I can’t take this anymore. I’m going to dry storage.”

Tim Horton’s

My friend went to Tim Horton’s and asked for mustard on his sandwich. “The closest thing we have to mustard is nothing!” The worker told him.

School party

I served 21 8-year-olds today. They were truly little darlings but as I was putting their apple and orange juices on the table, one of them said, “I ordered a beer!”

Extreme camping

I got into work at 7 am, when I realized 55, a young man, was asleep in his booth. “55’s passed out?” I asked the server in that section. 

“Yeah, he wakes up occasionally to check his phone,” she said nonchalantly. It didn’t phase her one bit. I felt like this was taking camping to a new extreme. 

Angry cook

I saw the overnight cook’s name on the schedule. It was my old boss. I suspected it was, at least. So I asked my coworker, “Is the overnight cook an old white man?”

“Yes,” she said.

“Is he angry?” 

“Yes,” she said.

“Oh my god, it’s my old boss,” I said. 

No-mod Monday

The kitchen told me it was “no-mod Monday” today. I said, “Yeah, sure, like one-bill Sunday.”

Mauwi

This guy in the kitchen went on vacation and never came back. 

Black History Month

The cook said to a server, “It’s Black History Month, what did you get me?”

Wine bottle

Yesterday, a server was trying to uncork a wine bottle. Another server was trying to help her. A third server swooped in to help. “Hey! How many servers does it take to uncork a wine bottle, eh guys?” I joked. They didn’t think it was funny.