DSW

I was at DSW buying shoes for work. The cashier tried to upsell me 3 times on the waterproofing spray. "No," I said, 3 times. I told the kid where I worked at the very end of the transaction and he said, "My parents met at your restaurant."

I wanted to be like, "That's it, give me the spray!"

Table 31

Shall I see you in the street, my word, I am beating you up.

Double leaning jowlers

Has anyone heard of the game Pass The Pigs? It’s this game where you roll two mini vinyl pigs like dice. You get points if you roll something good.

I can’t help but be reminded of the double leaning jowler when I see two of my colleagues leaning against the counter instead of working.

What do I look like, a calendar?

My colleague asked me what the date was today. I wanted to say, “I told you what the date was yesterday.”